Confession.

There have been many times, as a parent of children with special needs, that I have wondered if I am going crazy.

The journey is so taxing.

In the beginning, before diagnosis day, the feeling of going crazy was normal, and sometimes a welcome respite to day to day realities of life.  

If there was something wrong with me, then perhaps that meant that there was nothing wrong with my children.  

Perhaps so many others were right, and it was all in my head.

Am I Going Crazy?

I was that parent who read every parenting book and magazine known to man, and followed every bit of advice to the letter.  

Were all those experts going crazy while writing their various books and articles?  

Was I going crazy because I read them and nothing worked, or was my child different?

The bottom line was I had "support" from doctors, specialists, therapists, extended family, friends, and every other parenting expert on the planet, but it didn't help.  

I would still ask myself on a daily basis, "Am I going crazy?"

It wasn't until our first few appointments with our developmental pediatrician for each child, that I was assured I wasn't going crazy.  

How to Prepare for an Appointment with a Developmental Pediatrician

My children are not typical.   

Among the four of them, we have diagnoses:

• Autism Spectrum Disorder
• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
• Anxiety Disorder
• Reactive Attachment Disorder
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Mood disorders
• Cranial Facial Microsomia
• Vision impairment
• Food allergies

If even one of those diagnoses is enough to cause a parent to wonder if they're going crazy before that first appointment, you don't even know what crazy is yet.

The "typical" parenting books were taken to Salvation Army and replaced with books about parenting children with special needs.  

Uniquely Human by Barry M. Prizant

Occupational therapists, speech therapists, physical therapists, behavioralists and other specialists were added to our phone list and schedule.  "Support" was everywhere.

So why was I in tears on a daily basis? 

I was trying to do everything, exactly the way I'd been told, feeling like I was failing 100% of the time. 

I must be going crazy.  

I should be able to do this.

Meanwhile I was gaining weight. 

I was neglecting my own medical needs and ended up with chronic lung issues.  

It took me years to see a doctor and receive treatment for my own asthma and allergies, because I didn't have time, due to all of the supports that were in place for my children.

Truth be told, there is a hint of craziness in all parents of special needs children after diagnosis.  

There's that miserable grieving process we all go through.  

Our lives are turned upside down, as we now have answers.

Our bodies respond to the stress and anxiety in crazy ways.  

We have to find ways to cope and function day to day.  

The process of adjusting to the new normal is long and painful, usually taking about six months (for me).

Once we find that new normal, we realize that even the last six months of craziness was normal, and that we are okay.  

We've adjusted and are moving forward.

Except for those moments when we're caught off guard and forget, or those times when things become more difficult than they already are. 

There are days, weeks, and even months when we still wonder, "Am I going crazy?"  

For these times, I've developed a checklist for myself.

And yes, please laugh at this, because it does sound silly.  But, it helps.  

In those desperate times when I doubt my feelings and everything going on around me, it keeps me grounded.

5 Things to Do When You Feel Like You're Going Crazy as a Special Needs Parent

1.  Documentation

• Can I document the day's events, my child's behaviors, and my responses honestly and accurately? 

How to Document Your Child's Behaviors for Professionals and Specialists

• Do I feel comfortable with our developmental pediatrician reading what I wrote?  
• Am I able to see patterns in behavior that may give an explanation as to why I'm feeling the way I do?

If I hesitate while writing, or if I see a new pattern emerging, I know I need help.  

I make a call to our developmental pediatrician to discuss what's going on.  

She offers options we haven't tried in the form of therapeutic approaches and/or medication.  

Then she reassures me once again that I'm not going crazy, it's just that my children can be hard.

2.  Gratitude Journal

• At the end of the day, can I write at least one positive thought about each of my children?  
• Am I able to feel gratitude for circumstances in my life?

If I can't do this, I know I need extra support from my husband or someone else.  

My support person needs to temporarily step in where I'm unable to function in ways that are needed.  

I need a break.

When feelings don't change after a few days, I pursue more help and support for myself.  

Sometimes this may come from friends.  

Other times it comes from one of the children's therapists.  

At one point it came from my own therapist.

3.  Passion

• Do I still feel passionate about my interests and hobbies, even if I'm unable to pursue them, due to our family circumstances?

If I'm not feeling it, I know I need to talk to someone.  

Most often I always go to my husband or best friend.  

If there are still concerns, I know to speak to my doctor or a mental health therapist.

4.  Partner Relationships

• How are my spouse's interactions with our special needs children affecting my feelings towards him?  
• Am I struggling with my feelings towards him because of the interactions with our children, or have my feelings towards him changed all together?
• Are discussions with my spouse about the children adding more stress to our relationship? 
• Do we end conversations feeling understood or more confused and upset than before? 
• Do we feel like we are on the same page?

If I find myself frustrated or angry with my partner or main support person, this is the best way to analyze the situation for hints of triangulation, or other special needs induced stress.  

Usually the best medicine is a date night.  

It often makes everything better.

5.   Perspective

• Are my feelings normal for my circumstances?  
• When speaking to parents of special needs children with similar diagnoses, can I relate?  
• Am I able to take perspective?  
• Most importantly can I laugh and cry with them as we share stories about daily life?

I will always remember the day when I expressed my fear and angst about the police coming to our home, due to the behaviors of one of my children.  

My dear friend, a seasoned RAD mother laughed and assured me that I would no longer be mortified after the sixth or seventh time, and then continued with a story about her son.

If I'm unable to take perspective and/or relate to other parents in similar situations, I know that I need help, not only for myself  but for my child as well.  Phone calls are made immediately.

As a rule of thumb, I make sure that I'm functioning on all five levels in order to answer my own question about if I'm going crazy.  

So far so good, even though it doesn't feel that way sometimes.  

It's all about being aware of myself.

You see, in the end, I'm the parent.  

I'm the support.  

I'm the expert.  

If I'm going crazy, where does that leave my special needs children?

My number one job, is being my best for them.  It's distinguishing support that helps versus support that hinders.  

So when I wonder if I am going crazy, I don't have time to mess around.  I use my checklist and get back to work!

I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.

For those looking for more support when raising  children with special needs, be sure to subscribe to our free newsletter by clicking the link below.

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This post is just one in the Parenting Children with Special Needs Series.  Click the links below to read others.

Supporting Yourself and Your Child with Special Needs | Natural Beach Living

Tips For Supporting A Child With Trauma History | STEAM Powered Family

12 Things That Special Needs Mom Needs from You | The Chaos and The Clutter

Simple Ways You Can Support Special Needs Parents | B-Inspired Mama

Classroom Supports & Accommodations for Kids with Hyperlexia | And Next Comes L

Finding Support: From The Wind in Your Life  | 3 Dinosaurs

A Letter to Parents with a Child on the Spectrum | Carrots Are Orange

Supporting a Family with High Medical Needs  | Grace and Green Pastures

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Here is our 3rd Grade Reading List, aka Dinomite's reading list for the year.

The three older kiddos are writing and reading independently now.  Hooray!!!  

It's time to introduce reading assignments for this year.

We have so many book recommendations based on the ages and interests of our kids!  

Each kiddo is receiving a reading list of 15 books. 

They will select one each month (September through June), or ten throughout the year to read.  

All books were individually selected by my husband and I based on their interests.

Dinomite is in 3rd grade this year.  However his reading abilities and comprehension are that of a middle schooler.  

Balancing age appropriate subject matter, interests, and abilities proved to be a bit challenging, but in the end I think we've created a great list for him.

Dinomite has already started his book list, too impatient to wait.  

I kid you not he stayed up all night reading his first choice, because he enjoyed it so much.

3rd Grade Reading List Recommendations

Superfudge by Judy Blume

We read Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing aloud last year and Dinomite loved it.  I know he'll thoroughly enjoy the next book in the series and will have no problems reading it on his own.

The Family Under the Bridge by Natalie Savage Carlson

This book was selected to provide variety to Dinomite's reading list. It's not necessarily something he'd choose on his own, but I think he will really enjoy it.

Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary

Last year we read Beezus and Ramona as a family and everyone loved it.  Needless to say Henry Huggins will be well liked.

Mr. Popper's Penguins by Richard Atwater

This is the book that Dinomite selected first and read in one night, laughing and giggling all the way.  I do believe he's read it three times since.  It was the word "penguin" in the title that led him to choose the book.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis

Believe it or not, none of our kiddos have read any of this beloved series.  We'll see if Dinomite enjoys it and wants to read more.

Stone Fox by John Reynolds Gardiner

This is one of my favorite stories from childhood. I've been waiting for Dinomite to be ready for it.  Knowing he loves any type of race, I'm sure he'll enjoy it.

The Secret Zoo by Bryan Chick

This book is Dinomite's first introduction to mysteries.  Knowing how much he loves animals, I figured it would be a good fit for him.  I can't wait to see what he thinks.

Magic Treehouse #1 Dinosaurs Before Dark by Mary Pope Osborne

Would you believe me if I said none of our kiddos have been introduced to the Magic Treehouse books?  I'm hoping since it's about dinosaurs, Dinomite will enjoy it.

Shoeless Joe and Me by Dan Gutman

This book is from the Baseball Card Adventures series.  Dinomite has read Babe and Me and absolutely loved it.  He's been asking to read another from the series, but always forgets when he goes to the library, hence why it's now on his reading list.

The Year of Billy Miller by Kevin Henkes

I'm excited to include another feel good book for boys in Dinomite's list of choices.  It will provide great opportunities for comparison of family life, homeschooling versus school life and more.

Homer Price by Robert McCloskey

This book is unlike any I've seen Dinomite read.  I'm hoping it will provide fabulous opportunities to expand his imagination while he laughs and giggles at the nature of the story.

Number the Stars by Lois Lowry

Dinomite loves history and has shown an intense desire to learn about WWII.  Remembering this book from my childhood, I'm hoping it provides him with the insight into the time period he's looking for.

Amos Fortune, Free Man by Elizabeth Yates

As we've watched the news, Dinomite has become quite aware of racism, but lacks the basic understanding of why it happens to begin with.  This book will be his first introduction to black history.

The Big Wave by Pearl S. Buck

I selected this book for Dinomite because it tells the story of a boy from another culture.  It also introduces him to trials and tribulations and teaches how one can work through them.

Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

Dinomite loves all things pirates, so this book choice was a no-brainer when it came to choosing a classic that he might like.  I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot of pretend play as he enjoys the story with maps, buried treasure and so much more.

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Read Aloud List for the School Year

Our homeschooling family reads books aloud during lunch each day.  Those who have a hard time sitting still, don't struggle, because they're eating their lunch at the same time.  We have also found that reading during meals cuts down on arguments and negative behaviors while at the table.

Jason and I hand pick our family read aloud selections to best fit the interests and abilities of our children.  We also enjoy throwing in some of our favorite books from the past.  It's always fun trying to balance books that both the boys and the girls will enjoy.

In years past, we've attempted two books per month. This year, because the books are so much thicker, we'll focus on one, and then if we have extra time, possibly slip in another book of choice.

Here is our read aloud list for the 2016-2017 school year!

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Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren

We kick of the year with this book as an introduction to great characters, especially female protagonists.  The humor will be an added delight.

Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls

The boys are at that age, where all they want is a dog.  What better way to capture the moment than to read this beloved classic.  It is also a great way to help the kiddos work on identifying emotions during difficult circumstances and work through them.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

A tesseract and space will capture the boys' attention in seconds.  The story about not quite fitting in, is for everyone in the house.  We hope reading this book will be a magical experience.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Reading and/or watching the play or movie of Little Women is a tradition that I have faithfully celebrated at Christmas time every year since I was in college.  This year, it is time to introduce the tradition to my children.

White Fang by Jack London

As a child, I loved the story of White Fang.  It's my hope that the kiddos will enjoy it as well.  The book seems like the perfect winter read.

Inside Out and Back Again by Harper Collins

The kiddos are very aware of the refugee crisis going on in the world today.  This month we have prepared a home for a refugee family from Iraq, and greeted them at the airport as they arrived in the United States of America.  This book seemed all too fitting as our family continues to help them adjust to life in America, after all they've left behind.

The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate

Our boys have a special love for animals.  This story is for them, to encourage a new perspective and to provoke thought.  It's my hope that the girls will enjoy it also.

Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder

This will be our third read aloud book from the Little House on the Prairie series.  We have thoroughly enjoyed the first two.  Why stop now?

The Tail of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

A mouse, a princess, a castle, and dungeon...  There is something for everyone in this book.  We hope the read aloud experience is an enchanting one.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hogdson Burnett

This book was selected because it's another one of my favorite stories from childhood, but also because it was recommended as a book for Princess, by her therapists, to aid in her therapeutic process.  If that wasn't enough, the kiddos will be introduced to the musical this year as part of our music studies.

We are very excited to start our read aloud list this year.  Reading at lunch time has become such a ritual in our home that the kiddos look forward to every day.

If you're interested in last year's reading list, be sure to check the post below.

Reading List for the 2015-2016 School Year

What books are you reading with your kiddos this year?

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A few weeks ago, we went on our first camping trip with our four special needs kiddos.  As usual it was packed with crazy adventures. I thought I'd share for those who enjoy following our family fun, and so I'd remember everything for next time.  

The trip was kind of a last minute thing.  Weather was predicted to be incredibly hot.  We thought spending days at the beach and sleeping outdoors would be our best bet for keeping everyone cooled off and pleasant.

Though we had camped at grandparents' homes before, preparing for the real thing in less than four days was slightly more work than anticipated, especially when it came to preparing the kiddos.  I was incredibly thankful for the packing list and meal planner I found to help keep me organized.

Our First Camping Trip: The Real Experience with Four Special Needs Children

Our Arrival

Our planned time of departure was 2 PM.  We actually left four hours later.  If I could go back and change anything about the trip, our late departure would be it.

By the time we checked in, purchased firewood and ice, and set up our tent, it was already getting dark.  We still hadn't made a fire or prepared dinner.

We prepared Grill Foil Packed Cheesy Fries with Bacon on a Stick, that you could mix and top with sour cream in the dark.  

The fries and bacon were either burned or raw.  

Dinomite who had looked forward to this meal most, completely melted down.

Thankfully campfire cones saved the day and our first night ended on a high note.  

The only other issue we had was helping the kiddos settle down for the night.  

I've never been so thankful for loud neighbors who covered up all the noise the kiddos were making.  

We had only one minor incident during our first night camping.  

One of our kiddos, notorious for sleep walking, stood up in the middle of the night mumbling, and peed right in the middle of the tent.  

Thankfully it was in an area where there was no bedding or other items and could easily be cleaned up with a few Clorox Wipes.

Our First Full Day at the Campsite

The morning went extremely well.  The kiddos enjoyed their breakfast of individually packed cereals, and were eager to play or help with morning chores, including the dishes from dinner the night before that we had thrown in the van.

Once everyone was ready, we all headed to the beach.  I had picked up some sand toys for the trip, which the kiddos thoroughly enjoyed.

They also enjoyed time spent in the water.  We always keep life jackets on our kids who can't swim when at beaches and the pool.  It's one less thing I have to worry about, which helps in situations like this.

I was so pleased with how the girls enjoyed their time out of the water.  Anxieties are high at the beach, so breaks from the water are very necessary for them.

Lunch back at the campsite was next.  We served delicious taco salad in a bag, except that it wasn't in a bag, because the kiddos couldn't quite grasp why we wouldn't use plates.  Lol.

 

After lunch Jason took the boys back to town for one of their extra curricular activities. The girls and I stayed behind to clean up after lunch and spend some time together.

The afternoon was absolutely delightful.  The girls and I went for a walk and then played Shelby's Snack Shack and Cinderella's Uno while eating trail mix.

As soon as Jason and the boys returned the fire was built and dinner preparations were underway.  We had hoped that Sunshine would be calmer than she was the night before, but it wasn't the case.  Fire seems to trigger HUGE anxieties for her.

We eventually ended up giving her Benadryl to calm her, so that she would stay safe, as our developmental pediatrician has recommended.  

It wasn't too long before she fell asleep in my arms.  Meanwhile Dinomite had retreated to the tent to calm his own anxieties about dinner.

Fortunately, dinner was a huge success.  Dinomite and all of the other kiddos loved their bagel pizzas.  It was dessert that caused the anxieties our second night. 

 

We tried cooking cinnamon rolls on a stick.  The problem was that they kept falling off the sticks.  

It didn't take long before we changed our plan and cooked them as kabobs over top of our grill basket, so when they fell, they could still be cooked.

All of the cinnamon rolls fell apart, so we ended up having cinnamon roll bites cooking in the dark.  Some were burned.  Other parts were still a little raw, but with frosting the kiddos loved them.

After dessert, we cleaned up the table, throwing dirty dishes in the car for tomorrow and settled the kiddos down as quickly as possible.  

We were more successful than the night before, but it was still really late before they quieted down.

The kiddos fell asleep quickly, but Jason and I were kept awake by a critter climbing on the sides and top of the tent.  To this day, we don't know what it was, but it did leave a present on our picnic table for us to find in the morning.

Day 2 Camping with Four Special Needs Children

Once awake and dressed the next day, we ate breakfast (granola bars and yogurt), and did camp chores. Then we headed to the park for play and a picnic lunch.

It was quite warm out.  Everyone was delighted that the park was shaded by trees on all sides.

Lunch consisted of Nutella and strawberry or Sunbutter and raisin wraps.  Everyone enjoyed lunch but Bulldozer.   He was very troubled and upset over an exchange he had with other children on the playground.

It wasn't until we had all headed back to town for hippotherapy, returned to camp and spent more time at the beach, that he had recovered from the misunderstanding and could enjoy the rest of the evening.  He was looking forward to helping Jason build a fire tonight!

When we returned to our site, we had new neighbors next to us and across the way.  Everyone who passed was smitten with the tiny camp aboard the antique dump truck.  Many stopped to check it out and visit.

The kids were very intrigued by our neighbors as well, but not excited about so many people stopping by to visit them. Anxieties soared.

We made it through our own introductions and were so relieved to learn that our neighbors across the way (staying in a camper), not only had experience with special needs children, but adopted children with RAD themselves.  Whew!

Once again, dinner and dessert were late, despite all attempts to be finished before dark.  

My dear friend Kris and her daughter stopped by to visit.  

It still amazes me that we managed to cook and eat hot dogs on a stick, macaroni and cheese and S'mores for dessert without someone completely losing it.

All of the transitions throughout the evening had really thrown Princess and Sunshine.  Their behaviors were NOT fun to deal with.  Eventually we did manage to calm everyone down and sleep that night.

Of course we had to have yet another night time adventure.  I was walking back from the bathroom and froze as I saw a skunk right in front of me, and right next to the tent.  Thankfully he was startled by my flashlight enough to run away, but not enough to spray.

Sunshine struggled our third night in the tent, waking up frequently. After a rough evening with her, my patience was running thin.  Neither one of us received much sleep.

Cutting It Short

The next morning Jason and I decided that the girls and I would head back home due to their behaviors.  Dinomite, Bulldozer and Jason would stay another night and pack up camp in the morning.

This plan was a good one until there was a threat of thunderstorms and the boys missed their Mommy.  Jason and the boys showed up at home around midnight.  Lol.

In the morning, Jason headed back to camp and packed everything up before the forecast storms for the next day arrived.  And our trip was done.

Will we do it again? Absolutely!  Will we change anything?  Yes!

Lessons Learned While Camping

1. Leaving camp every day for extra curricular activities and supplies was a HUGE pain.  Everyone was struggling with transitions and we always felt like we were rushing.  The activities were also what caused us to be so late with dinner each night.

2. We need to practice campfire meals at home, before we attempt them at camp.  This would save so many meltdowns.

3.  It may be of benefit to stay in a spot that's more secluded, so we don't have to worry about neighbors and anxieties.

All in all though, we had a fabulous time and can't wait until next year to try again!

If you're interested in more camping themed ideas, activities, and experiences be sure to check out the post below!

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