The very next morning, which happened to be a Wednesday, the principal of the day program called me.

This was the beginning of a week's worth of miracles.

He had openings.  Summer session started in less than a week.  They wanted her.

But...

We had to go through the school district.

There was a process.

She needed an IEP.  Funding needed to be approved.  The school costs $80,000 a year.

All of this would take time.

We didn't have time.

Miracles

Miracle #1

I called the school district immediately sharing our circumstances with the principal.

I begged.

I pleaded.

The principal told me to come to the school to fill out enrollment forms. Once completed she could set up a Child Support Meeting, which was the first step in the process.

I was at the school within thirty minutes.

The Child Support Meeting was scheduled for the very next afternoon, which happened to be a Thursday.  

In attendance was the principal of the day program, the principal of the elementary school where the process was initiated, the director of special education, and the school psychologist.

That's when it all happened.

They were under no obligation to do anything for our family.  The process that needed to occur usually takes 30 days.

I didn't have 30 days.

I had a week tops.

Either this worked, or Sunshine had to go to a residential facility.

When Do I Consider Residential Treatment for My Child?

I was desperate and willing to do whatever it took.

They decided they would try their best to complete the process in a week's time.

Miracle #2

The next step in the process was a full psychological evaluation.  This usually takes five hours and is split up between two different sessions.  We didn't have that time.

The psychologist agreed to come to our home the very next Monday to do everything.  

I met with him after the Child Support Meeting to complete the background information interview so that would be out of the way.

Over the weekend he sent me two questionnaires for my husband and I to fill out online.

On Monday morning he arrived just as he said and completed all of the testing.

On top of his willingness to complete his part of the process so quickly, he truly was the best and most objective psychologist we have ever worked with.

Miracle #3

Previous to Sunshine returning home from the children's psych ward, we had been told that there was a meeting we needed to attend to request funding for any services, whether residential, a day program, therapy etc., This meeting was called a FAPT meeting.

To our knowledge, this would not take place for a month at the earliest.  There were eighteen families ahead of us.

The FAPT meeting needed to take place in order for Sunshine to attend the day program.

To my surprise, it was scheduled early, which happened to be the Tuesday after Sunshine's psychological evaluation.

The meeting itself was not pleasant. 

My wolverine claws most definitely came out, but in the end we did what needed to be done.  

Funding was being approved.

Miracle #4

The principal of the day program asked if we would be willing to do a trial run with Sunshine for a day to see if the day program was a good fit.  

He wanted to be sure that she didn't need to go straight to residential.

Wednesday was their first day of Summer session.  He asked that she attend, with me there with her the entire day.

So we went.

I can't begin to explain all that went on inside my head as I spent the day there with Sunshine.

This program is for kids like her.  Classmates were either prone to aggression and outbursts or they were nonverbal and severely impaired.

Six teachers are in the classroom with seven children.  That ratio is necessary to keep everyone safe.

This program is not Montessori or even Montessori-inspired.  It's pretty much the opposite.

But at the end of the day, the pros of sending her there outweighed the cons.

The staff that will work with her are amazing.  They go above and beyond to show love for the children they're working with.

And even more amazing, Sunshine had a great day there.

Miracle #5

Two more meetings needed to occur in order for Sunshine to officially start the day program.  

The first meeting was to discuss the results of the psychological testing.  

A second meeting needed to occur to develop an IEP.

Wednesday evening after spending time at the day program we received word that both of those meetings were scheduled back to back the very next day, Thursday.  

If all went well Sunshine would officially start the day program the following Monday.

Reflecting back on that day, I still can't believe everyone involved sacrificed over four hours of their time that afternoon to make this happen for our family.

The meeting to discuss the results of the psychological testing was the best meeting I've ever had with a school district. And again, we've had a ton.

8 Important Facts Parents Need to Know About the IEP Process

The dreaded IEP meeting was AMAZING.  Never have I felt so supported as a parent of a special needs child who is struggling.

By 5 PM Thursday afternoon, all of the paperwork was faxed to the day program and Sunshine was officially enrolled.

Miracle #6

Many are not aware that my husband and I actually met in the location we are living now.  He had finished his master's degree and accepted a job in the area.  

His first position, before we were married, was through the local community services board, working in the school district as a behavioral specialist.

He spent his time in many classrooms, but a significant amount of time was spent in one first grade classroom.  

The teacher in this classroom just happened to be the principal of the elementary school we were working with.

She remembered him.  She loved him.  She wanted to help our family.

Miracle #7

The head of the special needs department that we worked with trying to enroll Sunshine into this day program also knew my husband as she had worked with him directly as a behavioral specialist.  

Once again she had nothing but fabulous things to say about him.

What made this situation so unique, was that she's set to retire at the end of the month.  

She did not have to take on our case, but she did.  

In the meeting for funding she was our biggest advocate.  

This woman was the one in charge of setting everything in motion.

Miracle #8

We are a one vehicle family.  Where we lived in NY everything was within walking distance.  Here that is not the case.

My husband works full time outside of the home.  I remain at home with the kiddos.  This must be the case until we purchase the home we're living in.

There is no way we could have pulled off all of these meetings, phone calls ,appointments, and so forth on our own.

Our church family stepped in.

6 Ways to Help a Family Going Through a Mental Health Emergency

They arranged child care.  

Meals were brought in.  

Transportation was provided for my husband so I could have the vehicle. 

When he was at work and I was at home with the kiddos, people came in to help so everyone could stay safe as Sunshine was still not okay.

They did this for two weeks along with so much more.  

This was after they had helped us while Sunshine was in two different ERs and in the children's psych ward.

To witness so many miracles in such a short amount of time, some being truly unbelievable has been such a comfort to our family.  

This experience has been absolutely devastating for all of us.  

These miracles made it bearable.  I truly believe these miracles are the reason we are still sane when all is said and done.

These miracles were what allowed us to get Sunshine the help she needs and keep her in the home with her family.

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This was NOT Okay! (Chapter 8)

Thirty-six hours went by before Sunshine slept after returning home from the children's inpatient psychiatric ward.

She chattered in her bed all night long.

Neither my husband or I slept.  Thank goodness he had been able to switch days off to be here with me for the day.

The minute the clock struck 8 AM, I was on the phone calling the psych ward she had just been discharged from as well as our developmental pediatrician.  I also called our in-home therapist.

I wasn't sure who would talk to me.  I just knew I had to talk to someone.

This was NOT okay.

I was fuming.

Medication

The psychiatrist called back first.  Very calmly she explained that Sunshine not sleeping was most likely one of the medications she was given.  One of the side effects is not being able to sleep.

This was exactly why I didn't want her discharged in the first place!

Thankfully the psychiatrist wanted to help.  She recommended changing up the dosage of another med to balance out the reaction.

Then she gave me her e-mail and said she would work with us until our follow up appointment with our developmental pediatrician.

So began daily e-mails back and forth until finding stability with Sunshine's meds.

Aggression and Defiance

But medication wasn't the solution to all that was going on.  Sunshine's aggression and defiance were still out of control.

The first few days she was calm, but once she caught up on sleep...  BEWARE!

It was as if nothing had changed.  In some ways she was worse.

A feeling of despair was felt by everyone.

This was NOT okay!

What were we to do?

Purposeful Behavior

Our in-home therapist was amazing during this time.  When things were at their worst and Sunshine was threatening to harm others beyond the typical aggression, she was right there.

That's when we learned that these new behaviors were purposeful.

Medication can help some things, but not all.

Even worse Sunshine was very aware of her thoughts, words, and actions.  She understood the consequences and did not care.

The trip in the police car, the ER visits, the nine days in an inpatient facility hadn't done a thing.

This was NOT okay!

We were devastated.

Decisions

Decisions had to be made.  Sunshine was a danger to herself and others.

We could take her back to the ER and move forward with the inpatient experience again.  She would either be sent home after a few days or sent to a residential facility.

We could attempt to access funding quickly and place her in residential if a bed was available.

Or, we could consider a day program that would allow her to stay at home, but be gone during the day.

My husband and I couldn't fathom going through the ER and inpatient experience again so soon.  Emotionally, mentally, and physically we could not pull that off.

I was at peace with residential placement, as devastating as that would be, but we had no idea how long that process would take.

In the end we decided it was extremely important to exhaust ALL of our options before considering residential placement.

We contacted the principal of a day program/special needs school in the area via e-mail and hoped for the best.

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Nine Days (Chapter 7)

For nine days Sunshine remained inpatient at a children's psych ward.

For nine days my husband and I took turns visiting her every morning, driving 45 minutes each way.

For nine days my husband and I woke up early and spent our mornings preparing meals for Sunshine, to bring when we visited.  

For nine days we spoke with psych ward nurses, psychiatrists, and therapists about how she was doing.  

They would call us whenever there was a behavioral issue, whenever there was a med change, or whenever there was a question.

For nine days we coordinated with outside agencies to get services set up for when Sunshine would come home.  This meant phone calls, appointments, and more driving.

Reality

For nine days our lives were literally turned upside down.

I dreaded waking up in the morning, yet couldn't sleep if I tried.  

I had been told to enjoy the respite, but this was NOT respite.  

Our lives were crazier now than they had ever been when Sunshine was home.

Exhaustion didn't begin to describe our physical, mental, and emotional states.

Did we have to visit on a daily basis?  

No.  

But Sunshine is only six years old.

We had worked for years on attachment.  We didn't want that ruined.  Not to mention this was the first time she had ever been away from us for more than a few hours.

Then there were the meals.  I did not have time to make several days worth of meals at a time because I was so busy with other stuff relating to Sunshine.  The hospital could not accommodate her allergies.  We had a agreed to this.

No matter how hard we tried to function outside of the fact that Sunshine was in a psychiatric hospital, we just couldn't.  There was not a single day where we could just relax and breathe.

Everything was about Sunshine.

I would continue to keep the rest of the kids on a schedule the best I could. 

My husband kept working.

For nine days we were on auto pilot.  We did what needed to be done and that was it.

The Psych Ward

Visits were not always great.  We ended up asking a staff member to be in the room with us in case there were issues, which many times there were.

Med changes happened frequently and fast.  

Sunshine couldn't eat enough while she was there.  I believe part of this was medication changes, but the other part was that food was comfort to her.  It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that she probably gained five pounds while inpatient.

Because she was so young she couldn't participate in many of the group activities at the psychiatric hospital.

Sunshine had a one-to-one with her at all times and was not interacting with other children.

And then just like that they wanted to send her home.

All the Reasons Why

No services were set up at home yet.  All of that takes time.

Her last medication increase had been that very morning.  There was no way to tell if it was working or not.

My other children hadn't even begun to process what had happened before she left, nor were we at all comfortable with her coming home yet.

The therapist we spoke to before discharge literally tried to tell my kids that it was okay for Sunshine to hurt them.  Boy did the therapist receive quite the reprimand from me.

Sunshine had been waking up in the night for the past three nights, which is a sure sign something is not okay. 

We had not received prescriptions for new and increased doses of medication.  Some were controlled substances and it was a Sunday.

My husband had to go to work the very next day and so I would be home alone with all four children.

But none of that mattered.

Sunshine hadn't had an aggressive episode in three days (mostly because she was having med increases so quickly, and because she wasn't sleeping at night).

Insurance would no longer cover her stay.

The hospital needed the bed.

Goodbye

And just like that after nine days, Sunshine was sent home from a children's psych ward with not a single promise of anything being better.

My husband and I fought with the psychiatrist and therapist so much that day of discharge, begging and pleading for them to keep her.

Nothing worked.

We were on our own.  Again.

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Our First Family Therapy Session in a Children's Psych Ward (Chapter 6)

The first full day Sunshine was gone, I didn't have a chance to even think about missing her.

We needed to supply her meals in the pediatric psychiatric ward because she has so many allergies.  

I ran to the store to pick up all of her favorite things and then my husband and I prepared meals.

All of us went to visit her so the other children could see where she was staying.  

We drove there, visited, drove back, and then my husband had to go to work.

I literally spent the rest of the day in a haze.  

My other children needed some down time after having been tossed around for a week, so we all just did our own thing.

The hospital that Sunshine was staying called and wanted to schedule our first family therapy session in a children's psych ward for the next day, Sunday.

Mother's Day.

Grief

Sunday was the first day my husband had off since we had taken Sunshine to the second ER.

For the first time we could talk about how we were feeling, and how NOT okay we were.

I don't know how long we held each other or how long I sobbed into my husband's chest, but it was at least a couple of hours.

The negative emotions were just so strong.

For both of us.

We felt them all and for so many different reasons.

Anger.

Fear.

Sadness.

That was just the beginning.

Then there was the confusion and guilt about any positive emotions we felt.

It was pure torment.

What a way to start off Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day! NOT!

We couldn't take too much time feeling and expressing emotions, because we had to make more meals for Sunshine and get ready for our first family therapy session and another visit.  

But at least we knew where we were both at and that was important.

For years to come I will look back on this Mother's Day, remembering Sunshine was in a psych ward and our Mother's Day celebration was our first family therapy session there.

Words don't do the trauma justice.

But, Mother's Day was the only day my husband had off, so we had no choice.

The therapy session went as well as one would expect.

There were serious concerns.

Sunshine was not okay.

As a mother of a child of Reactive Attachment Disorder, it's so easy to feel that it's all your fault.

Professionals are also very good at reinforcing this idea.

An Unhappy Ending

All four kids played together after we finished the  therapy session in a designated area.

And then... 

Sunshine became aggressive again.

Staff pulled her off and a way from us.

She had to be removed from the visit.

I was unable to say goodbye.

There were no hugs.

There were no kisses.

The kids were left traumatized.

Our family was escorted out of the pediatric psych ward.

And that was it.

Not Ready to Go Home

I just couldn't go home after that.

Though it was Sunday, and we would never consider such an option in normal circumstances, we decided to go out to eat.

The kids were starving and struggling with the traumatic ending to the visit.

We needed to do something.

So Red Lobster it was.

I ordered a virgin strawberry daiquiri as a Mother's Day gift to myself.

The kids ordered their favorite meals.

My husband went with his go-to meal.

We just sat there, talking about nothing, and enjoyed the moment of peace, yet unable to forget what just happened.

I couldn't eat very much.

Thankfully, the kids had no issues with this.

They ordered their favorite desserts.

Our waitress was wonderful.

And finally, we all decided we were ready to make the 45 minute drive home over the mountain.

Changing Plans

That night I decided I couldn't handle visiting Sunshine every day as we had originally planned.

It was just too much.

The visits were too traumatizing.

My heart couldn't take it.

Starting the next day my husband and I took turns visiting Sunshine in the psychiatric ward every other day.

We'd wake up early, prepare her meals, get the other kids through their morning routines and breakfast, and then one of us would leave.

The hospital was 45 minutes one way.  

The visit lasted about an hour.  

We'd drive 45 minutes home and then my husband would have another 30 minutes before he had to leave for work.

This was our new normal.

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