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How Can I Help My Child with Transitions?

This post may contain affiliate links.

Disclaimer:  Any advice or suggestions that I write here CANNOT be considered therapy or professional consultation, due to counseling ethics standards. It is not really practical or possible to do counseling with someone I have never met. What I hope to offer IS my personal experience as a person with ASD, AHD, and Anxiety Disorder NOS, combined with experience as a parent of special needs children, plus the things I have learned as a professional counselor.  Take any advice that fits, leave aside what doesn't fits.

What is a transition?
When we talk about transitions, we mean the period of time from the end of one activity or event, to the beginning of the next.  For example, a transition starts when one finishes eating breakfast, and ends when a child starts the next activity, which may be getting dressed for the day.  For some special needs children and for many toddlers, transitions can be anxiety producing and disturbing.  Unfortunately they happen frequently, throughout the day, every day.  This can be baffling to the parent/teacher/guardian, who carefully constructs routines and schedules designed to meet needs, yet still encounters emotional meltdowns, behavioral outbursts, etc. and can't understand what went wrong.

Why are transitions so difficult?
Although every child is unique, there are a few common themes that emerge when considering why children struggle with transitions.  Anxiety is a major one.  At times, the root of the anxiety can be based on what is coming next.  The next event in the schedule is so highly anticipated that the child is unable to contain his or her enthusiasm and/or follow expected rules for behavior. A second possibility is simpler; the behavioral issues come from the child's unwillingness to end the current activity, knowing that something less enjoyable is coming next.  A more subtle component of that kind of "stubbornness", especially in children with autism and ADHD, is the difficulty in "task-switching" that occurs due to problems with brain functioning.  Although the exact mechanism isn't clear, individuals with autism or ADHD are less able to move from one activity to the next in general, a process that happens mostly in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. If the child is verbal, he or she might not "feel" ready to finish whatever they are doing and move on the the next activity.  As a result, children with ADHD or autism can become very frustrated around transitions, or just choose not to transition until they are ready, no matter what you do.  (The article in this link is focused on technology and ADHD, but it explains the brain functioning issues I mentioned here:  http://www.2machines.com/articles/181304.html.)  Finally, in a busy house, a child can become overwhelmed by the commotion and activity level during a transition time.  While the family is preparing to pack everyone up to get to an appointment or activity, the chaos level and lack of structure can lead a child to feel disoriented or uncomfortable.  This can also occur during clean up time etc.

Personally, I can relate to the anxiety, inability to switch tasks easily, and the sensory overload that comes with some kinds of transitions.  I feel more anxious and edgy around transition times, due to the increased volume and activity level in the house, especially if we are preparing to go somewhere outside the house or if we have guests coming.  As you can see, problems with transitions can stay with you after childhood.

Besides sensory issues and other special needs, there is a second major category of people who struggle with transition: toddlers.  Several parents of toddlers report issues with transition as a main concern.  When considering our 18-36 month old friends, it would be wise to remember what researchers have taught about child development.  In particular, Erik Erikson's work is useful. He defined each developmental stage as a basic conflict, each of which needs to be successfully negotiated in order to achieve "normal" development. (This article: http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html has a good summary of Erikson's stages of development).  The basic conflict for the toddler years is called "autonomy vs. shame and doubt".  Basically, a toddler's main challenge is to discover what is within his/her control and what isn't, in order to see what he/she can and cannot do for himself.  So, if Erikson was right, transitions represent a threat to the toddler's sense of autonomy.  The child simply might not like being told what to do and when to do it.  This striving for independence is not only normal, but one of the basic tasks that the child needs to master in order to develop successfully and confidently through the later stages.

How Can I Help My Child with Transitions?
While striving for independence and telling mommy "no" are normal events, it's still no fun to deal with a toddler tantrums  It is also no fun dealing with difficult transitions with your special needs child.  So, what can you do?  As stated earlier,consistency from day to day in the child's routine and schedule can help.  The more things stay the same from day to day, transitions are expected and predictable.  With kids older than three, a picture schedule or written schedule can be posted in the house and updated every day.  You can alternate less enjoyable activities with more enjoyable ones, in an effort to reduce anxiety about the day's events and to provide an automatic incentive/reinforcer for good behavior during the less-enjoyable times.  Also, a simple countdown can aid a child who struggles with switching tasks (i.e. "five more minutes of TV time, then it's time to go to bed."), so that the activity doesn't end abruptly and allows the child's brain more time to make the adjustment.  Simple and instant positive reinforcers for calm compliance with parental expectations during transitions are always recommended, and should ease some of the anxiety around moving from one activity to the next with time.  To help with sensory sensitivities, try to minimize sensory inputs.  If a child struggles with transitioning to dinner time because of the volume level in the house, turning off the music/tv/computer can relax the child and make the situation easier to manage. When there are anxiety issues, consider ways to prepare ahead of time and slow down the transition.   Pick out clothes ahead of time and provide extra time to "get shoes on and get dressed", when getting ready to go out.  Finally, always monitor the verbal and non-verbal signals you are sending as a parent to the child.  This may be especially helpful when you know how the child usually reacts when you announce "bath time" etc.  Calming yourself and anticipating the wave of emotions that will surely come, not only helps you to manage your reactions to the child, but it provides good social modeling for the child to follow.  You know the difficulties are coming, and as an adult, you can manage your emotions and choose your response.  Your child may not be able to do this yet.

About the Author:
Jason has a master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling.  He has spent the last eight years working as a therapist to adults and children, in a private and group counseling sessions, and in residential facilities.  At home, Jason has four plus years experience as a foster parent with his wife, caring for children ages newborn to eighteen years of age with multiple special needs.   He is also a parent to four special needs children, two biological, and two adopted, with diagnoses of autism, ADHD, RAD, PTSD, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome of Effect, anxieties, and sleep disorders.  Within the last year, Jason was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Anxiety Disorder NOS.
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Dinosaur Unit for Tots with Free Printables

Sunshine's dinosaur tot activities are on the shelves for this week.  I absolutely love this dinosaur unit for her as it focuses in on exactly what she's working on. Be sure to grab the free printables if you feel they would be a good fit for your tot as well!


You'll notice some are quite different than in the past, as I'm trying to learn her preferences and test out new ideas.


Dinosaur Unit for Tots with Free Printables


Dinosaur Unit for Tots with Free Printables


D is for Dinosaur


D is for Dinosaur Do-a-Dot Page


Sunshine will attempt to use the dot marker to place dots in the circles provided. I have made them a little larger, as she struggles with accuracy.

Source:  I created the printable for this activity.  The Dinosaur Tot School Printable Pack is a free printable.  For your copy, click on the link at the bottom of this post.

Stegosaurus Counting


Stegosaurus Counting Activity for Tots


I need to confess, I am not a crafty person.  There are so many fabulous ideas out there that involve elaborate and detailed activities.  Most require sewing, which is NOT my thing.  So, instead you have painted cardboard cut outs with painted clothes pins.  As I was painting the pieces, 


I realized it would have been so much easier to just create a Stegosaurus printable, print it on card stock, and laminate it.  Oh well.  The thing is, when I saw an idea similar to this (without the numbers), I thought it was super cute and just had to try it.


Sunshine is still having no luck with her counting and number recognition.  (Sigh.)  Even if she doesn't pay any attention to the numbers or wants to count clothespins with me, she can at least have fun sticking the clothespins on the dinosaur cut outs.  


Opening and closing the clothes pins will be a great fine motor activity for her to help improve hand and finger strength.

Source:  The idea for this activity came from No Time for Flashcards.

Triangle Dinosaur Teeth


Triangle Dinosaur Teeth


Sunshine isn't the greatest when it comes to using a glue stick.  Her coordination needs some improving.  I'm hoping this activity will help that, along with her fine motor skills.  


She will glue the triangle teeth provided into the mouth of the dinosaur. A special thanks to my husband for drawing the outline.  Drawing is not something I do very well either.

Source:  I found the idea for this activity on Pinterest, however it was not attached to a link, so I'm unable to source any further than that. Sorry.

Soap Container Dinosaur Color Sorting


Soap Container Dinosaur Color Sorting


Sunshine is obsessed with opening and closing anything she can get her hands on.  All week I was looking for colorful containers that would be easy enough for her to open and close on her own.  


It turns out soap containers are pretty easy.  


Sunshine is still unable to identify any of her colors, but she does have success with matching. 


She will match up the correct dinosaur and soap container, placing the dinosaur in the soap container and closing it.  


I'm hoping, she'll enjoy this activity and that it will keep her attention for more than 2 minutes.  Dinosaurs for this activity are part of Dinomite's very large collection of figures.

As with all activities, Sunshine will be supervised closely.  The dinosaurs are quite small.


Stringing Beads


Stringing Beads


Sunshine will attempt to string the beads provided.  If the string proves to be difficult, I will offer her a pipe cleaner.  


After taking a picture of this activity, I realized if I had wanted to be really crafty, I could have made dinosaur teeth for her out of salt dough, baked them, and had her string those, but...  I decided these will work just as well.

Sorting Prehistoric Creatures of the Air, Land, & Sea


Sorting Prehistoric Creatures of the Air, Land, & Sea


Dinomite has always been obsessed with animals. He went through phases with dinosaurs, sea monsters, and other prehistoric creatures as well.  As a result, we have numerous figures of each.  (I did order two new air creatures that still haven't arrived.)

Sunshine will sort the air, land, and sea prehistoric creatures,. placing them on the correct mats.  With a little help, I'm hoping she'll engage in some pretend play.

Source:  I created the printable for this activity.  The Dinosaur Tot School Printable Pack.  For your free copy, click on the link at the bottom of this post.

We Are the Dinosaurs


I'm a huge fan of Laurie Berkner.  She has a really fun song, "We Are the Dinosaurs" to dance to, that will help develop gross motor skills (if you get creative).  I'm certain Sunshine will love it, as she responds quite well to music and dancing.

Source:  Click here to see the video link of the song.

We hope your toddlers enjoy these dinosaur activities as much as Sunshine did!

For those looking for more toddler activities and free printables, be sure to subscribe to our FREE newsletter by clicking the link below.


Don't forget your free printables!


If you liked this post, you may also enjoy the resources below!

Shark Activities for Tots and Preschoolers Shark Activities for Tots Toddler Activities and Free Printables Dinosaur Unit 3 Dinosaur Unit 2 Time Line of Life Activities  Dinosaur Unit
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Summer To Do List for Tots

This post may contain affiliate links.

I have been seeing so many Summer Bucket Lists everywhere online, and though they look fabulous and fun, most seem quite difficult to pull off with a little one in tow.  Or, they're expensive.  Sunshine is two this summer.  She can walk and run with ease.  There's not a moment she's not talking.  Her personality is such that she craves new experiences, especially those outdoors.  I want this summer to be about her.

For my first and second kiddos, I wrote so meticulously, in detail, about all of their firsts as babies and toddlers, with accompanying pictures.  My third is lucky she has a baby book, although it is not filled out in detail.  I'm still working on her first scrapbook.  And Sunshine...  I still don't have a baby book for her.  There are many pictures of her, but none are in scrapbooks.  It's amazing how life changes as more kiddos come along.

So, as summer starts this year, I've decided to create a "Summer To Do List for Tots" just for Sunshine.  It's a simple list.  Very few activities cost money at all.  Several activities take less than five minutes to complete.  All of them are about making memories with Sunshine and introducing her to a world she's just now finally ready to acknowledge and enjoy.  I can't wait to get started!  Let's hope I remember the camera, AND remember to take pictures of her in the process.
1.  Feed the ducks.
2.  Throw rocks in the water.
3.  Eat a popsicle.
4.  Go down a twisty slide.
5.  Eat an ice cream cone.
6.  Play in the sand.
7.  Dig for worms.
8.  Watch fireflies.
9.  Observe a butterfly or a bee on a flower.
10.  Have an outdoor picnic.
11.  Bite into a juicy watermelon.
12.  Water play, either in a kiddy pool or a water table.
13.  Draw with sidewalk chalk.
14.  Go to the beach.
15.  Play with seashells.
16.  Pick flowers (or dandelions).
17.  Go for a walk in the rain.
18.  Splash in puddles.
19.  Play in the mud.
20.  Drink lemonade.
21.  Kick a ball back and forth.
22.  Star gaze.
23.  Look at the clouds.
24.  Make an outdoor fort or tent using a sheet.
25.  Smell the flowers on a lilac bush, (or any other flower bush).
26.  Water flowers together.
27.  Pick a vegetable from the garden.
28.  Visit your local fire station.
29.  Go to a parade.
30.  Pick berries.
31.  Go for a nature walk (without the stroller).
32.  Go for a boat ride.
33.  Try S'mores for the first time.
34.  Visit a lighthouse.
35.  Shuck corn.

As I was thinking of ideas for summer tot activities for Sunshine, I realized that my other kiddos haven't done some of this stuff either.  At times Mommy was pregnant and miserable or we had a baby in the summer.  Other activities we haven't done because we were doing more elaborate things like water parks, carnivals, vacations etc.  I am super excited that this summer will be laid back and relaxing.  I'm sure we'll do some other special things, but for the most part, I want to concentrate on the simple things in life!

What are your favorite simple things to do with your tot during the summer?
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Kids Learning Printables Linky Party #7

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Welcome to the Kids Learning Printables Linky Party #7

Co-host:   Montessori Nature

There were some great printables shared this week.  I'm super excited to feature them.  It's always amazing how much variety there is among them all.  There are some very talented people out there!  Here are my favorites this week!
1.  Colors of Nature Montessori 3 Part Cards from We Live We Learn


3.  Dinosaur Activity Pack Printable from Makeovers & Motherhood

4.  Long 'a' Sound Activities and Printables from Suzie's Home Education Ideas

5.  Frozen Science Mini-Book from Memorizing the Moments

Here's how this works!

You:
1.  Link up to 3 educational printables for kiddos.  Free, paid, and giveaway printables are welcome.
2.  Add our Kids Learning Printables Linky Party Button to your post or blog.
3.  Support your fellow educators by commenting, pinning, and/or sharing the post published before yours.
4.  If you're not already doing so, follow me on FacebookPinterest, and/or through my blog.
5.  You give me permission to use and repost images from your blog.

Me:
1.  Visit all posts.
2.  Share and pin as many links as possible throughout the week.
2.  Feature my favorite posts in next week's link up.
3.  Get to know you, your blog, and your printables for future use.

Let's get this party started!


Every Star Is Different

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How Can I Better Prepare My Child for Unexpected Changes Routines and Schedules?

This post may contain affiliate links.

Today I am super excited to welcome a new writer at Every Star Is Different.  We are moving onward and upward. I want to make sure to give you, my readers, everything you could possible want, all in one place.  Nothing will be taken away. Weekly units will still be shared for tots, preschoolers, and K-3rd Grade with free printables for everyone. I'll still be writing personal parenting experiences.  Special needs and sensory posts will always pop up now and then.  The Kids Learning Printables Linky Party will continue.

My new writer has a master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling.  This person has spent the last eight years working as a therapist to adults and children, in a private and group counseling sessions, and in residential facilities.  At home, this person has four plus years experience as a foster parent, caring for children ages newborn to eighteen years of age with multiple special needs.   This person is also a parent to special needs children.  If this person doesn't seem amazing enough already...  Within the last year, this person was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Anxiety Disorder NOS.  I am always amazed at the perspective this person gives me when I talk about kiddos' behaviors I'm struggling with.

On a more personal note, this person is brilliant.  Whenever I need encouragement, love, or support, I can always count on it.  This person is my biggest fan and helps me so much with everything I do on this blog.  He is my best friend.  He is my husband.  Welcome Jason!

Each week Jason will be posting an answer to one question submitted by readers, in regards to their children, special needs, parenting etc.  You are welcome to submit questions by email at renaemarienae@gmail.com or through a message on facebook.  Questions will be answered in the order they are received.

Without further delay, I give you Jason:

Thanks to Renae (The Mommy of Many Hats) for inviting me to contribute to Every Star is Different.  As Renae noted in the introduction, I have been recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) along with ADHD and Anxiety Disorder NOS.  As my kids were diagnosed (before I was), my priority was meeting their needs and finding my role in that process. I was excited and determined to do this, but I found it very difficult to manage even the smallest tasks and behavioral issues, without becoming frustrated, overwhelmed and sometimes, angry. So, while the news of my diagnosis was not exactly a "career highlight", it did bring relief, understanding, and hope for better things to come.  There was now a reason why I was struggling so much, and with that, new ideas about how to overcome specific challenges.

So, what can you expect from my posts here? Hopefully, the best thing I can offer is some perspective.  I hope to combine personal experience with my professional counseling training.
Disclaimer:  Any advice or suggestions that I write here CANNOT be considered therapy or professional consultation, due to counseling ethics standards. It is not really practical or possible to do counseling with someone I have never met. What I hope to offer IS my personal experience as a person with ASD, AHD, and Anxiety Disorder NOS, combined with experience as a parent of special needs children, plus the things I have learned as a professional counselor.  Take any advice that fits, leave aside what doesn't fits.

How can I better prepare my child for unexpected changes in routine and schedules?

Changes in routine and schedules can be planned or unplanned, but either way, they present a major problem for people with ASD, OCD, and other related disorders.  On the surface, the issue seems to be about schedules and routines not being the way they "need" to be.  Certainly, structure and routine help reduce anxiety and ease transitions for people with ASD.   They can become overloaded by sensory input and need to know what to expect to calm themselves down.  This need for order can become rigid however, so much so that any disruption can result in major meltdowns or emotional "shut-downs".  The basic solution to addressing this issue is preparation, whenever possible.  Making a plan as far in advance as possible with the child's input (if possible), should help reduce some of the anxiety around the change of events.  For example, in the case of a child who struggles with a shortened day or "half-day" at school, discussing the day's schedule, (both in-school and after-school) should help to defuse some of the pent up anxiety about the upcoming change. Providing some sort of incentive or favored activity right after the shortened school day would also help. Depending on the communication skills of the child, try to get as much input from the child as possible. As you communicate with the child, you may find that the problem goes beyond just the disruption of the day.

 Personally, I remember feeling both excited and slightly perplexed and anxious about shortened school days. On the one hand, go home early (hooray!), but on the other hand, I wondered what it would mean for the flow remainder of the day.  Would lunch (or study hall, etc.) be shortened or cut out all together?  It wasn't enough to ruin my whole day, but if I was especially looking forward to an afternoon subject or class (or lack thereof...) it could generate a little disappointment and resentment.  So, when discussing the schedule change with your child, I would explore a little further to see if the anxiety comes from not knowing what the day will be like or if it's about missing out on something that usually happens later in the day that your child looks forward to.

In the event of an unplanned schedule change, or one that you haven't prepared for ahead of time, the first thing to do is plan for an unpleasant reaction from your child.  You know it's coming, so ride it out and take the time to plan out what you are going to do next.  If it involves cancelling a favorite activity or event, talk about the things that "have to happen" next, for as long as it alters the expected schedule, and when the schedule will resume as usual.  If there is a plan to play outside, which needs to be cancelled due to weather or an appointment last minute, explain the change in detailed plans, what will happen instead, and when the regular schedule for the day will resume. Again, think about incentives. If there is a last minute appointment, bring along the tablet with the child's favorite apps loaded up, as a reinforcement for good behavior and managing the change/transition well.  Bulldozer will do anything for more iPad time.

Personally, the biggest challenge for me is managing the emotional content that is bound to follow the news that the plans have changed.  I feel more anxious around these times due to the increased volume of those around me, the hectic pace of getting ready with little to no preparation, and the overall heightened emotions in general.  So, it is important as a parent to be aware of your emotional and sensory state, as well as being in control of how the children perceive your emotional state. Take a deep breath. Breathing is good.  Rushing around frantically, telling your child to hurry up is going to have the opposite effect you want it to.

Schedule changes are some of the trickiest, yet most common, sources of behavioral and emotional blow-ups among people with ASD and other special needs. Preparation, planning and communication with the child, all basic things that a special needs parent does everyday, are the most important skills needed to minimize the damage, and result in new learning and growth for the child, as well as improved trust and bonding for the parent and child. You can do it!
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